WHY DID I FAIL TO SAVE THE WORLD????

What if I die today?

Fall on the ground in a pool of blood,

What if I just let my heart stop?

Lay down without breathing through my veins,

Will the world stop?

Will any one stay back and wait,

Wait for me to gather my smoke,

Wait for me to collect the acid

No, this is not how it works

Because life is all about moving on

Whether you survive or die

No one will wait for you or stand by your side

What anyone can do is to walk

Because no one’s death will ever make anyone stand and think

No one’s death will teach anyone anything

The world will not stop, neither will their attempts

People will still go on making products

Products that kill and weapons which are supposed to protect

Drink blood to give life and milk to poison

Humanity to kill humans and barbarism to save them

We all do claim to change the world on our own

And also we all got our own pair of wondering pillows

We all are ready to fight back but fight against who?

That is what the problem is , what we think to fight for we never do

Even after we all know all we do is think and not act

Still there are some to crib

Crib on the fact why nothing still happens

And that how much effort you make yet no one cares

As a scout where I stand

All I can see is a black hole of thoughts all around

Every moment a seed is sowed

And the very next moment nothing of it remains

All that is left, is a lost earth

An aching sky

A river with no flow

And a sun with no heat

Why are some higher that rest of us

Why some always there to lead

We want no leader to show us the way to life

Because if we want to survive we need to lead our own self

The reason we have leaders is because of the difference

The difference between us and the ones who lead

The difference is not that of thoughts

Neither it is of strength

But it is of the worries

All we do is to worry about

But those who lead never worries

Rather they step forward and follow the dark

Look for shade in pitch black light

Hope to see the sun one day in their life

And lay down their life giving hope

Hope to the new born

Giving them a vision, a strength

A clean soul and guts to face any thing in life

A whore's Life

i stood at the corner waiting for a car to pull up
my skirt just covered my pride
the bra was enough to hide my respect
the boots were no bigger than what i was called
i just waited there for a car to pull up

hours passed away i stood still
many cars went by not one stopped infront
my hair all tangled pain in my back
frozen like a statue i stood there still
i just waited there for some one to stop

i was never born like this neither did i imagined
i was just a little girl playing in the lawn
when i was taken from my childhood n pulled down
days i still remember when i used to be someone
now here waiting i am reduced to something

ravaged by men day in and out
sometimes just one and sometimes more than i could even count
was made to bent in ways i did not even know of
was made to things which could only be pure evil
with those memories i stand here still n frozen

i was just 17 when i became a mother
then also i was forced, forced to kill the mother
the pain of losing my child was still in my eyes
i was again pulled down and made to dress up n die
i still stand here and wonder what my fault was

that night as i lay under someone i did not know
wondering what was more precious my pride or life
pride that was taken from me by three men together
or the life i was living, every hour under someone
i stood there frozen trying to find the answers

who did i hated the most i still dont know
the men who made me a toy for the pleasures
the man who pushed me into this world
the madam who forced me to kill my own child
or my parents who gave me birth n left me to die

society has tagged me evil and unrespectful
they put blames on me as if i m the devil
they call me by names and ban me from their lives
yet every night they come to me
to toy with me seeking pleasure n joy

its been hours since i have been standing all alone
no man no car has come to rescue me from this hole
rescue me and take me to a place i fully understand
make me do things i now know and recognize
place which no more is alien to me

you may feel i am just another sick person
accepted this new world n ready to live in
but my friend i hate every moment i spend here
but no one from the fantasy world will come i know this much
so dont want to expect something that will never happen

i am better of waiting here waiting for a car to pull up
so that i go back to what i do in this dark world
a world which evenyone see yet act blind
a world in where i have a small place of mine
n here i see that car coming now, i going just for now

careless that i am

i forgot to go for a walk when it was pleasant
i went to play when the sun was hot
and i was awake when the world slept 


careless that i am
i never remembered what to do
i never acted the way i needed to
i stayed quite when all wanted to hear me
and i shouted when left no one was around

careless that i am
i promised myself and then forgot
i repeated the same mistakes that i shouldn't have
and i did things that i shouldn't have

careless that i am
i write again and again forget
i remember when its too late
and i then i ask myself why did it happen

careless for sure i am
i toyed with people's emotions n left
i made her cry even when i said i hated it
and i gave scars which might never heal

careless for sure i am
does my carelessness have any cure
or will i continue to hurt those i love
will i make them suffer and cry
or will i bear this alone and die

what fault is it of others for my actions
what fault is of their's for how i behave
why should they suffer for what i do
why should they forgive me for my careless attitude

i dont intend to reason or explain
neither do i think my saying will bring any change
it is correct that i am not trusted
they are right when they say i am worthless

i can do no good
all i can do is write
i write too much and talk a lot
may be that is how careless people are

but in my old life i never was careless
i was dedicated and affectionate
but since then a lot has changed
i used to be a boy and now trying to grow outside and within

i cannot ask for forgiveness as have lost your faith
i cannot face you as well coz i am proved careless
all i ask is let me grow
all i ask is wait to see what i turn into

i dont want to be careless not with you
but there are just too many things to change in one go
i am trying to move as fast as i can do
distance between us is far yet i am running towards you

bear with me just for sometime
i am careless but trying to revamp
dont know if at all will achieve
i still will try with what ever left in me

Critic

quill in my hands, i try to write my self
i sit gazing at the desk while i write my self
the mirror infornt of me filled with its lines
filled with strange markings, i feel is full of lies

lies that i wrote, dreams that i searched for
ambitions dipped in venom
thoughts i have corrupted myself with
mere desires that run in my viens
i stand here gazing at the mirror filled with lines

who is to hear what i write
to satisfy whom, do i write
is to pen down the guilt i bear
is to confess to myself to my sins

it seems to me  the sense im ,e has finnaly left
the emptyness around has started to melt
the bonds r being briged,
once lost is now left untouched

i scribble what calms my thoughts
i do what once a wise man had said
i look at the mirror filled with lines
i try to look through those lines
try to find the reflection try to find the face

I now Believe

What words do I use this night,
My mind tonight just can’t sleep
How I want to write I just can’t decide,
Because word just can not explain what today I feel

I am not sad that I am sure of,
Not low nor am depressed
Rather today as I lift my pen,
All that I feel has had me amazed

It’s been long since last time I wrote with out pain,
It’s been long since I felt the breeze from with in
The sun again is not hot enough,
Time again I feel has slowed down

Slow it is so that today I stole a moment to write,
And now I feel at peace with no scars to hide
I realized for long I hadn’t wrote with a smile,
Rather till today I now feel I had stopped living my life

All I was doing was just trying to survive,
Letting the sand slip with each passing time
But now come all, just look at me,
I am smiling with out pretending

I again feel like flying high,
With every push opening my eyes
Again today I got back on my feet,
Today not to pretend but to believe

The believe which I could again trust on,
Was one of the presents which a smile gave me
I new ray of hope is now what I see,
No more to pretend, now I can be me

This change which I feel now,
Made me realize its not over so soon
It proved to me that I am no more dead,
I no more am numb and now won’t stop living

I feel good I feel proud,
Of all the mistakes I made till now
I still haven’t forgotten to laugh loud,
Just was pretending than to confess out

This whole change is because of you,
And I wanted to tell you this before
Then thought it would be best if I said so today,
After what all you gave me this is what you get
I want you to know that today I happy and smiling,
Not because I have to but because today I want to
Thanks for giving me this choice to smile,
Now even if I will fall I won’t die
Because now I believe in what u always say,
“With good people only good happens by the end”

The Dessert……………………………

The dessert seems to be expanding every time I took a step to reach its end
The sand flew across my face every time I tried to open my eyes
The more thirsty I got, more water dried up from the ponds
More tired I felt the days became longer
The more I slept the nights got shorter
Stuck in this dessert I don’t know what to do
All I could do was to keep going
Keep going so that one day the dessert even may feel bad
The day he also would realize that I suffered a lot
Till the day he feels that I have been tested a lot and no more is the need
Till that I just have to go on


The hope on which I live sometimes die
My will at times starts to give up
The strength in my arms and legs long gone tease me
This happens every time a fall
They ask me what good am I if I can’t even walk
They poke me with questions to which I got no reply
I lie like a dead in front of them
And wait till they walk all over me

Every time this has happened I feel dead
Every time in this death I gained more strength
The strength which helps me up again
The power to once again stand and face
No matter what it throws at me I am willing to take
Pain, fear, loneliness and depression no more make me weak
I have lived through all of them and lived with them
We have all traveled in the same cart and gone through hell


Not scared of what hell will be like
Seen enough already down here
Here in this dessert where I stand
If devil comes to live would rename his hell
He too will escape coz its too hard
He too will be seen running all around
Till the time he realizes the real truth
Hell is not where you pay for what you do
It is right here where your close ones have to pay for what you do
Hell after death makes no difference but “death after hell” kills you from inside


See me burning you make enjoy,
Or seeing me in pain you also may suffer
But non of this would have never happened if you wouldn’t have been selfish
No one would have to pay if you thought about what you did
A right decision what looks to you may mess some one up
A kind selfless action you may take might end some one in this hell
No more is what I pray for all
Have meet many and made friends with lot
They all are in pain and now want to die
It’s a land of men insane of which one I am
We all pray for death when are with each other
We all wish that tomorrow don’t want to meet some one else
We all are selfish and want this land to our selves only
Hence we all wish no more are sent to this dessert so that its us only

My delusion

In the pond saw an iceberg
Strong and tall it stood
Frozen it shone like diamonds tied together
Deep it reached freezing all the water what was left
Even on a sunshine day it stood tall
Little drops of water when rolled down looked like
Stars falling from the sky
As the drops touched the hot water it felt even colder
It looked like the ice was not melting but helping the pond stay cold
More I went towards it I felt it going far
Every time I tried reaching out to it by my hand I felt it trying to escape my touch
Every single step I toke towards it, it kept running away
The sun above me was hard and hot
I felt drops of water rolling down my neck from behind my ears
Soon my hands too felt watery
Every step started becoming heavy
I felt as if I was holding a huge load on my shoulder which was slowly slowly slipping down
Soon the ice berg was out of my sight yet I did not loose hope
I kept moving towards the direction it went
I was running my best when I realized
My speed was slowing down
I had started to loose speed
My feet started getting tired
It felt as if they would no longer obey the orders of my mind
I was worried will I be able to walk again
Just then was a huge fall
A fall which I never was able to see
As if the hole appeared just a minute ago
I felt as if my legs were badly hurt
But soon got stable again and decided to run
Don’t know if it was my fate or my mistake
But I just could not get back on my feet again
i no more had my legs
no more were the feet with which I ran left
all that was left was water
in the pond of the water I had created my own pond
a pond which was cold n was dyeing
soon the sun would have heated it and melted the rest of my being
no more was I in a delusion
no more I was dreaming
I was a part of that iceberg
I was one of its edges
I was left behind
It was a very well thought decision
I was week n I was causing the whole ice berg to melt
So it left me behind alone in this pond under the shining sun
No more was I a stranger sitting along the bank observing the ice berg
I myself am a part of it
Or should I say was a part of it
No more delusions were left
And soon I realized all my life was a delusion
And today they all were broken
Like glass breaks.